DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like sometimes my weight gets in the way of my dreams. I know that sounds really insecure, but I honestly believe that’s why I haven’t progressed much. I want to do so much, but I feel like people see my weight before they see my talent. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being told, “You’re (blank) for a big girl.” Just because I may weigh more, that doesn’t mean I can’t do anything like anyone else. Everyone always sees my weight first. There are tons of things that I do well, but I don’t even get recognized for that. It’s always about my weight. My mom constantly makes comments about it. How do I get people to see me as more than just the “big girl”? My weight doesn’t define me personally, but somehow that’s my identifier when it comes to others. I want to be seen for my good qualities. My weight is just an addition to everything else about me. – More Than I Look, Allentown, Pennsylvania

DEAR MORE THAN I LOOK: Sadly, we live in a world that does judge people for how they look, even though it is illegal in the

workplace and in school. You can start with your mother. Drum up the courage to talk to her. Tell her how uncomfortable it makes you feel that she constantly comments about your weight. Tell her that you need her to support you for who you are, not for how much you weigh. Like it or not, you may have to work a little harder because you look different than the average. While unfair, that’s life for many people.

I will add that if you believe that your weight could be impacting your health, you may also want to reconsider what you eat and how you exercise. This is for your own life and health. Working to be healthy while still wanting to be respected as you are, need not be mutually exclusive .• • •

DEAR HARRIETTE: Is it bad that I’m not an affectionate person? My family and friends always say it’s rude of me not to hug them all the time, but I just don’t enjoy showing affection. It’s nothing personal against them; it’s just who I am. I do tell them how grateful I am to have them; I think that should be enough without having to be

physically affectionate. My family gets concerned that it means I don’t love them, but I don’t know how to tell them that is not true. Are there other ways to show love other than physically? – Feeling Unaffectionate, Detroit

DEAR FEELING UNAFFECTIONATE: Not everybody is a hugger, and yes, it can be awkward. You must educate your family. If you really don’t want to touch people, tell them. Explain that you love them, but you do not like to touch. Ask them to honor your space and reassure them that it isn’t personal. Yes, it is awkward now, but over time they will see that you are consistent. If you are able to give a hug every now and then, it will be greatly appreciated by them. You decide what balance of affection will make you comfortable as well as your family and friends.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.