DEAR HARRIETTE: Going on dates with my boyfriend has turned into a chore. We always do the same dinner or same movie theater. I have suggested doing an active date, and he always wonders why we can’t just get dinner instead. He doesn’t want to go on dates that are out of his comfort zone. This can’t be about money, because I could pay for rock climbing or kayaking. We could even make food and have a picnic in the park!

How do I get my boyfriend out of the habit of thinking dates can only be dinner or a movie? I want some spontaneity in life! – Let’s Explore, Denver

DEAR LET’S EXPLORE: Stop calling your ideas “dates.” Instead of replacing dinner or the movies, invite him to do other things. Talk to him about your interests, and learn about his. Find out what he enjoyed doing as a child, and share your childhood memories. In general, learn about your boyfriend’s interests and discover whether you share enough to be able to build a successful relationship. This is important as you look toward the future.

Ultimately, if you two have very different ideas for extracurricular fun, you will have to decide if that works for you, and if you can choose to enjoy your passions independently. Not enjoying similar extracurricular activities could also lead you to decide this is not the guy for you.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been having an affair for the past few months, and it has been very exciting. I know I’m not supposed to do it, obviously, but I have been very discreet. I do not want to hurt my wife’s feelings, and I don’t expect this to last long. It’s just fun and a distraction from all of the stuff that has been going on at home of late.

So, here’s the thing. My son told me the other day that I have been talking in my sleep. He wanted to know who Gloria is. I was shocked. That’s her name! He said he heard me talking and came in the room and shook me until I stopped talking. Now I’m worried that my wife may have heard me. Should I tell her? What should I do? – Sleeptalking, Denver

DEAR SLEEPTALKING: What you need to do is handle your business. Your subconscious is telling the truth for you. Now it’s time for you to correct your truth so that you can sleep at night, you stop dishonoring your marriage and you clean up your act. Yes, that means it is time to cut things off with Gloria. While that will not be easy to do, it is the one decision that can help you sleep soundly.

Do you need to confess all to your wife? Not now. Devastating your wife with news of your affair is not a solution to your problem. Fix it. End it. Recommit to your marriage. Be the best husband you can be. Refocus your lens on your family. If Gloria comes up, do not lie, but stop thinking about her. Think and dream about your wife.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.