DEAR HARRIETTE: I started a new job a couple of months ago. It’s a great and rare opportunity where I have the chance to get in on the ground level in an industry I never thought I’d find myself working in.

I want to take special care to make connections while I’m here. The problem is that I don’t know how to connect with these co-workers. The environment and the people are vastly different from what I am used to, and I’m not sure what to say or do. Do you have any advice on how to make connections with co-workers? – In My Shell, Philadelphia

DEAR IN MY SHELL: Making meaningful connections with people can be challenging, especially when you feel like a fish out of water, or you are a bit shy. The good news is that there are strategies you can use to help cross that line of discomfort. For starters, always remember that people like to talk about themselves. As you look around to see who might be interesting to you, notice everything you can about them: what their jobs are, how they dress, what they like to talk about. Then look them up online to learn whatever you can about their background. When you approach someone, introduce yourself. You can say that you have noticed them on the job and wanted to say hello. Pick a conversation starter that might be a bridge, asking them about their latest project, their alma mater (if you learned about that in your research) or even their shoes. Pick a topic that seems like an easy entry point for them to start talking. Be prepared to share a little something about yourself, too.

• • •

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who can’t seem to make a relationship work. Every time we have a talk about her relationship woes, she tells me how good men are impossible to find. The problem is, whenever she goes into the details about why the relationship fell apart, it is usually her fault.

I know good friends are supposed to tell their friends when they’re messing up, but she does not take any sort of criticism well. The last time I told her about her actions, we didn’t speak for two months. How can I tell my friend that she may need to start with the woman in the mirror without it turning into a huge blowout? Any advice would be appreciated. – Ticking Time Bomb, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR TICKING TIME BOMB: Instead of speaking about her issues directly, use examples of other people to illustrate points, even if you have to change names. Start by saying, “I have a friend who went through something like that.” Then tell a similar story and reveal the unhappy ending that shows clearly the person’s role in its demise. Point out that you think your friend does the same thing sometimes.

You can also ask her to stop telling you her sob stories if she is unwilling to listen to you. Admit that it hurts your feelings when she asks for your input and then gets mad when you share it.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.