DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend has been trying to push the envelope on our intimacy boundaries. This leads me to get frustrated by his advances, or agree to do things I really don’t want to do. I’ve agreed to new things just to silence his nagging. Am I the problem, or should he just be grateful that we’re intimate in any way? – Bothered by Boyfriend, Detroit

DEAR BOTHERED BY BOYFRIEND: You should never feel forced to do anything intimate that makes you uncomfortable. This is true whether your partner is your boyfriend or even your husband. The nature of intimacy is that it calls for trust. Trust is built by mutual respect. While it is not wrong for couples to explore new things and grow together in their intimate exploration, what does not work is for one partner to have to consent to participate in behavior that is uncomfortable or unwanted because the other partner is putting on the pressure.

Talk to your boyfriend about your concerns when you are not in the bedroom. Though it will likely be a tough conversation, you need to talk it out. Stand strong and make sure you say what you are feeling. If you feel unsafe, break up with him.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: I had my brother help me out for a home-improvement project. I purchased every supply that was needed for the project. I don’t know if I should pay my brother for his time and labor. I would drop everything in a heartbeat for him, and I know I completely took over a few of his weekends. Is it crude to pay him? I know I wouldn’t accept payment from my little brother. – Wage Dilemma, Hilton Head, South Carolina

DEAR WAGE DILEMMA: Even when you are working with family, it’s smart to work through all the details of work projects before you get started. That includes whether the helper gets paid. And yes, that includes your brother. It is not too late to figure it out.

Start with an assessment. Do you have a sense of how much it would cost if you had hired someone to help you with this project? That would be helpful so you know what the value is. Next, do you have a sense of your brother’s financial status? Is he financially secure, or could he really use the money?

I recommend that you speak to your brother about it directly. State the obvious: You realize you two did not talk about compensation for his time and effort. Thank him for the work that he has done for you, and ask him if he would like to be paid for it. You can offer a particular amount based on what you can afford and what seems fair.

The fact that you wouldn’t charge him does not mean that you should expect the same of him. Let him tell you. If he refuses to accept money from you, buy him a present – something that you know he would appreciate.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.