A hard pill to swallow

BRUNSWICK

This is the second of two stories about the Domestic Violence Court in Sagadahoc County, a judicial monitoring program that adds another level of supervision to domestic violence defendants. The name of the individual featured here has been changed to protect his anonymity as a condition of him being interviewed for this article.

Adam can recall the humiliation of being handcuffed by police in front of his parents. It is a moment he doesn’t like to talk about. “I was arrested for domestic assault, and I know it sounds so simple. And looking back now, it’s anything but simple,” he said in a recent interview.

Fortunately for Adam, he was eligible for a deferred disposition and, among other stipulations, was required to appear in Sagadahoc County’s Domestic Violence Court once a month.

Adam’s arrest stemmed from a confrontation with a girlfriend. He said he never touched her before leaving her house after an argument. She alleged he assaulted her.

He was home with his parents when police arrived to warn him not to have contact with the woman. He agreed, but then called her. Police returned and arrested him. Adam was charged with domestic violence assault, harassment and criminal trespass.

It was two years and 30 days between his arrest and sentencing.

At 46 he’d never even been pulled over by a cop. He had a year to meet certain conditions, such as staying sober and avoiding contact with his victim. He also had to attend a 48-week batterer intervention program.

Additionally, he took time off work to attend monthly appearances at Domestic Violence Court. He listened and was an active participant.

“You are called up to the stand and the judge, the DA’s office, the detectives, the councilors running the batterer intervention program, all have a chance to inquire as to where you are,” Adam said. “And it gives everybody a chance to hear you and it gives you a chance to speak your piece. And they can see right through a lot of fluff.

“Once you’ve found yourself in a violent situation where you have victims, you’ve probably lost sight of accountability for several things or several aspects in your life. You’ve obviously been able to get away with or felt entitled to treat people a certain way and feel no repercussions.”

Regardless of how he felt about his case, he still had to be accountable for his behavior, which he admits was intimidating, aggressive and violent.

“That accountability is very humbling and we can all use a little humility in our lives. It makes us better people,” Adam said. “I saw several, several individuals change over several weeks,” he said.

While some get caught in the multi-generational cycle of violence, Adam was not raised in a violent household.

He had been drinking when the confrontation with the girlfriend occurred. It scares him to think how things could have gone much worse.

Now, Adam is reaching out to people in or who have been in the program. He tries to be a role model.

“It’s just trying to influence someone in a positive way just through daily actions and conversation,” he said. “If I’m going to be a sober person and if I’m going to be a helpful person and if I really and truly want to do something about domestic violence, then I’m going to engage myself.”

After completing Domestic Violence Court successfully, he was sentenced to a single charge of disorderly conduct and didn’t have to serve any time in jail. He worked hard but there were times he cried and wanted to quit.

He was fortunate his employer didn’t terminate him and allowed the court process to determine his fate.

Accountability is a hard pill to swallow, Adam said, but he urges others not to let one moment define them. Motivated by his family, he’s worked very hard to stay together. Now his parents are proud of his transformation.

“I live with being an alcoholic. I’m a father, I’m a brother, I’m a son, I’m a councilor sometimes. I’m a best friend, I’m an employee, I’m so many other things. The one thing can’t define me,” he said. “Don’t let that be the one thing, but never lose sight of it and always work on it.”

dmoore@timesrecord.com

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