DEAR HARRIETTE: I am taking part in my work’s secret Santa gift exchange. I thought the drawings would be slightly rigged so I would at least know who I was buying a gift for, but I have never spoken to my gift recipient, “Jeff.” What could I possibly get him? We were advised against getting generic gifts and really getting to know the person. – Too Much Effort, Syracuse, New York

DEAR TOO MUCH EFFORT: It sounds like your company’s management team wants the staff to get to know one another. This is a creative, if time-consuming, way. You need to become a sleuth of sorts. Figure out who Jeff is. Walk by his desk and do a cursory overview of what he has in his personal area to get ideas for his interests. Look him up in the company directory to learn about his job and any details that might be available. Research him on social media as you continue your search. You don’t want to give away that you are the secret Santa, so you have to be careful how much you talk to Jeff. If you want to engage him at all, you may want to speak to several people in his area so that it will remain vague as to exactly who you are and who you are investigating.

Then, get something simple that speaks to who this man is. Like, if you see a particular candy or gum on his desk get him more of that. If you notice a book, get him a book in that genre. Kids’ photos? A fun picture frame that’s kid-friendly.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: My family immigrated to the United States from Poland, and we still celebrate Christmas as we did back home, at night on the 24th. After remarriages, this year is our first celebrating American Christmas. We don’t know what to expect except what we’ve seen in movies and holiday commercials. There is no easy way to learn the culture except for experiencing it, but I feel like a fish out of water. Does everyone really run downstairs in their pajamas and start opening presents? Do we all watch each other open gifts? – How to Be American, Boston

DEAR HOW TO BE AMERICAN: There are some things that most families do, but honestly you should speak to the new step-families to learn about their traditions. Give them an opportunity to tell you about what they think is important in their families. Often, these things change when children grow up, so it’s smart to check in.

One common activity, especially with young children, is to leave milk and cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve. Children go to bed early, then wake up very early, so parents tend to make rules about when everyone will go to see what Santa left under the tree. Opening presents is commonly a group activity, in pajamas, where family members take turns opening gifts so they can see what everyone gets. Regardless of a family’s budget, the goal is to have something for everyone, especially the children.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.