I suppose we all play at least a small role, knowingly or not, in our own ultimate demise. In my case I know what it is.

When I’m standing early morning in the shower, and reaching my hand up to massage the shampoo into my hair and scalp, my mind forgets that there’s a thumb hanging down from the hand, just about eye level, and there it goes – BANG – right in the eye.

Now, I’m not going to tell you that getting a thumb in the eye a certain number of times will directly cause death, but indirectly, why not?

I’m pretty sure there are scientific, technical and statistical folks out there somewhere using powerful computers to determine how many cigarettes or cigars does it take to kill a man, or how many bottles of bourbon to knock a man down, but figuring out how many thumb pokes are required to finish a man off must be fairly well worked out by now.

For someone half blinded by multiple pokes in the eye, mistaking the ramp to the fisherman’s wharf for the ramp to the post office parking lot might be just enough to do the trick.

The Thumb-In-The-Eye Project has just published its first medical result, and we can say now with some certainty that the best age to be when getting your first thumb-in-the-eye experience is at when you are a hundred and seven years old.

These are the same folks that brought you the first rule in eye care: “If your nose itches, put the scissors down before scratching it.”

Orrin Frink is a Kennebunkport resident. He can be reached at ofrink@gmail.com.

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