When faced with danger, we know how to warn others. If, for example, a fire breaks out, raising an alarm comes naturally. However, while living more sustainably is often a response to the danger of climate change, talking about it can be complicated. How can we foster productive conversations?

An acquaintance of mine, let’s call him Norman, sure would like to know. While catching up with his niece — Carol, for our purposes — Norman dove right into his new passion, sustainability. Almost immediately, he found himself graphically describing the escalating dangers of climate change. At that point, Carol’s smile disappeared and her comments became shallow. As a scientist with advanced degrees from top institutions, Carol undoubtedly agrees with the 97% of climate scientists who believe that human-caused global warming is happening. So why did she disengage?

Norman was loath to ask Carol about her reaction. However exactly she might have explained it, Norman certainly made two mistakes — both of them avoidable with a simple approach. First, Norman did not understand his audience. Carol may already know a lot about sustainability, lack interest in the topic or be tired of hearing about it. More profoundly, Carol is a mother who perhaps fears the dangers her children would face in a changed environment. A carefully considered question or two would have clarified Carol’s outlook, giving Norman a better chance of fostering a useful discussion.

Second, Norman lectured Carol, implicitly suggesting that he knows best. Had he led with open-ended questions about sustainability, Norman would have immediately demonstrated not only humility but also respect for Carol’s thoughts. As a form of trust, respect is essential to having a productive discussion. Accordingly, Norman would likely have orchestrated a successful conversation had he gained Carol’s trust right away by asking her what she thinks (and of course taking her responses seriously).

When asked about themselves, people typically appreciate the chance to express their priorities, opinions and hopes. So, if you wish to explore the topic of sustainability with someone, try asking about it. With this approach, you will better understand your audience and refrain from doing all the talking, thus avoiding Norman’s fate!

David Conwell is a former history teacher who belongs to Brunswick’s Sustainability Committee and the nationwide advocacy organization Citizens Climate Lobby.