WINDHAM – Windham High School administrators, students and parents are working together to bring back school dances after officials canceled the popular events due to concerns over inappropriate touching between students.

The dances were canceled in the wake of Oct. 2’s homecoming dance due to administrators’ inability to keep students from engaging in a popular form of dancing known as grinding.

During last year’s dances and the recent homecoming dance, faculty and chaperones spent much of the night breaking up couples who were grinding, a sexually suggestive form of dancing in which males make contact with females, primarily with their pelvises and often without eye contact, administrators said.

Many students consider the dance to be normal behavior. But it is described by administrators as “assaultive behavior” that they fear could put the school in legal jeopardy if a student claimed to be touched inappropriately at one of the school-sanctioned dances.

Kelli Deveaux and Mark Tinkham, Windham High School’s assistant principals, and Athletic Director Rich Drummond held a parent forum Oct. 21 to explain the administration’s decision to ban all future dances. The high school holds five dances a year.

To the several dozen assembled parents, they first showed a video depicting examples of grinding and then told parents they had opted for the complete ban out of frustration with students, who refused to stop grinding after repeated warnings prior to and during the recent homecoming dance.

“So they knew,” said Tinkham of the no-grinding policy. “Rich and I went around the dance floor, explained to them this isn’t appropriate and it was a constant circle. Whenever we’d warn somebody, we’d go around the corner and they’d be right back together. At that point we realized it was a losing battle. It was a top-down thing and we didn’t have the buy-in from the students.”

After several days debating what action to take, administrators broke the news to students by visiting a health class Thursday, Oct. 14. It was their intention to “start an open dialogue with several students in an attempt for them to understand” the administration’s motives for canceling dances, Tinkham said. Then on Friday afternoon, Oct. 15, the announcement was made to the larger school community and a letter of explanation was sent home to parents on Monday, Oct. 18 informing parents of the meeting held later that week.

“It’s not easy to take away something that we know is valued by the kids. We don’t do things that are punitive and do it lightly. It was with a lot of consideration,” Deveaux said after the meeting with parents.

“It’s a wake-up call,” added Tinkham.

Crisis genesis

Windham High School students like their dances. Tinkham said 500 of the 1,050 students attend a typical dance.

“This is a school where you have a tremendous amount of kids turning out for dances. They value dances,” Tinkham said. “Windham is suburban, but we’re still very rural. There isn’t that much for kids to do here, so when we have a dance, they look forward to it, and there’s a build-up. And this is why we get so many.”

Last year, however, was the first time administrators realized grinding could have serious criminal implications. Some adult chaperones have quit that duty after becoming frustrated at the futile attempts to stop grinding, Deveaux said. Her “moment of clarity” came after witnessing an underclassman girl being grinded by an upperclassman boy, and noticed the girl “throw an elbow” when the boy locked arms with her and was touching her genital area. The boy was not charged or disciplined.

“There was a situation where a girl was very clearly uncomfortable with the physical contact that was going on and when pulled away was not OK with what was going on but didn’t know how to get out of the situation,” Deveaux said. “And for us, that was the realization of what’s really happening here, because we’ve kind of accepted that this is how kids dance and felt we had to accept it.”

On the moral side, Deveaux and Tinkham also said grinding can lead to boys objectifying girls all under the seal of approval of a school district that was hosting dances and providing a place for grinding to occur. While morality played a factor in their decision, the criminal implications were of paramount concern.

“It’s not about passing judgment, it’s about keeping them safe. Looking at that girl, imagine had I not seen that look on her face?” said Deveaux. “She just got assaulted in front of 500 of her peers and 10 adults who looked on without doing anything. He was pressed against the back of her and had both hands pulled to her front and she was trapped inside, and so she was trying to throw an elbow. It was really sexual contact. What if I hadn’t noticed? And she goes home and says to mom, or worse she goes home and doesn’t say anything to anybody but has left feeling completely violated. And if we’re not doing anything are we tacitly approving what is occurring? That’s not OK.

“If they want to go to a club in Portland, that’s one thing,” Deveaux continued. “But parents assume when the students are here and in the building, that they’re being protected and are safe. If we can’t guarantee that, we can’t keep doing this until we get some change.”

Change is coming

Last Thursday’s parent meeting, which was attended by several students as well, revealed more than the latest dance trend; it revealed an effort on the students’ part to find a way to restore the dances, with a promise that a non-grinding policy will be followed. The effort is praised and wholeheartedly supported by administration, but only if students can adhere to the no-grinding policy.

Students who want dances have heard the administration. Knowing the administration won’t tolerate anything less than a zero-tolerance policy toward grinding, a dance committee of sorts, headed by seniors Marissa Michaud, Molly McVetty and Morgan Dolby, met with Student Council members and about 50 students on Monday in hopes of finding a workable compromise.

According to Michaud, Monday’s meeting was an effort to “spread the word” that the administration is willing to work with students to restore school dances.

“We wanted the students to realize the administration is willing to work with us to find a solution. It’s not like the school wanted to have to do this, they felt like they had to to keep kids safe. We’re just trying to get that word out,” Michaud said.

Michaud said the 50 or so students who came to the after-school meeting on Monday seemed “supportive of what we had to say.”

Pro-grinders unite

Meanwhile, parents at Thursday’s meeting said there was a rumor circulating that some students who disagree with the grinding ban are intending to hold a Halloween dance at the Windham Veterans Center, one of the few large, non-government-related halls in the area. Michaud said she was aware of the effort to rent the 2,000 square-foot hall behind the Windham Mall but that she wasn’t supportive of the idea.

“I’m not necessarily against it, said Michaud, “but I’m not in support of it right now, because it contradicts what we’re trying to do.”

When contacted for comment, Don Swander, the president of the Windham Veterans Association, said he wouldn’t allow such a dance to take place.

“I have not heard of that, no one’s contacted us,” Swander said. “But absolutely not, if they have banned it at the high school, then we’re certainly not going to support it. It’s true that the vets center needs money desperately but not that desperately.”

Assistant Principal Kelli Deveaux prepares to pause a YouTube video at a meeting last Thursday. The video showed a form of dance called grinding that students have been performing at dances in recent years. (Staff photo by John Balentine)Windham High School students, from left, Marissa Michaud, Molly McVitty and Morgan Dolby are members of an ad hoc dance committee trying to find a compromise to restore school dances. The three girls spoke on behalf of students to parents at a meeting organized by school administration last Thursday. (Staff photo by John Balentine)