DEAR HARRIETTE: I ran into a former colleague who had been in a huge position the last time we saw each other. Now he is looking for work. When we saw each other last, he hardly had time to even talk to me. This time, he was much more attentive and friendly. I get it, but it really hurt my feelings a few years back when he basically snubbed me. We go so far back that I expected him to be more thoughtful, even though he had a big job. I don’t know that I want anything from him, but I guess I want you to say something about how you think people should behave when they are building their lives, especially when they are enjoying success. – Looking for Wisdom, New Haven, Connecticut

DEAR LOOKING FOR WISDOM: I have always been told that you should treat everyone with respect, regardless of her or your station in life. This is far easier to say than to do. Sometimes it is ego that clouds a person’s ability to see clearly and notice how they are treating other people. Being extraordinarily busy can also contribute to a person’s inability to notice the people who have been instrumental in their lives or even to follow common courtesy with friends, colleagues or strangers.

Commonly, when people find themselves in a more humble position due to job loss, illness, aging, changing family dynamics or financial crisis, they are able to notice aspects of their own behavior differently. They also can then see who the constants are in their lives. In the best of worlds, people would notice individuals and opportunities all along the way.

For your friend, it looks like a dose of humble pie opened his eyes a bit. For you, you must decide if you can forgive him his blindness in the past and rekindle your bond, or simply remain cordial but distant. It’s your choice.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: When you go to someone’s home for the weekend, is it appropriate to strip your bed and wash your sheets before you leave? I grew up in a large family, and our protocol was for everyone to carry their own weight, so to speak. It was considered the height of bad manners to leave dirty sheets on the bed. I just went to a wealthy friend’s house in the Hamptons, and when I removed the bed sheets and asked where to wash them, my host looked at me aghast. Clearly I had broken some unwritten rule. What did I do wrong, and how can I fix it? – Pitching In, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR PITCHING IN: Every household has different rules. Yours required all hands to be involved in caring for the home. In your friend’s house, it is likely that they have housekeeping staff who handle all such matters. To clear any discomfort that may have come from you not knowing the way their household works, you could simply tell them that you were just pitching in. That’s the way you grew up, and you wanted to be helpful as you showed your gratitude. Don’t make a bigger deal of it than that.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.