Although the official stamp of approval won’t be awarded until a bit later, it appears that the selection of Willie (Mitt) Moose to be the Ovine (sheep) party candidate for Flatley farm president is a done deal. Trouble is, the animals don’t really know much about him. As a meandering moose, he has done his best to be all things to all sheep. However, since his opponents during the recent primary campaign represent elements of the Ovine party, could they provide at least a clue to what an Ovine administration might look like?

Political parties are pooh-poohed by many voting animals (“I vote for the animal, not the party!”). Nevertheless, to disregard parties is a mistake. As old Professor Oscar Owl used to point out in his poli-sci classes for lambs, calves and ducklings, parties certainly influence the conduct of farm government. Leaders within a party represent what the party believes, and Willie’s opponents are the very cream of Ovine thinking.

Many farm moons ago, the great Ovine president, Abraham Percheron, chose some of his opponents to serve in his cabinet. Recently, the current Avian president, Alhambra the dusky drake, made two of his own opponents – Joe the Quacker Goose and Myrtle the Mynah bird – vice president and secretary of state, respectively. In the event the animals should hand Willie the farm reins, could he do any less from among his own opponents?

Six of them are:

Gingrich Goat: Also referred to as Newt the Whale, as attorney general. He not only bears a physical resemblance to the great Ovine thinker, Rhino Rushbaugh, he shares much of Rhino’s philosophy. In addition, his rich and varied experience in divorce courtrooms and in defense of million-dollar lobbyist salaries would give him an edge in law.

Cain the Calico Pony: Also known as Herman Horse, as Secretary of Commerce. Herman’s dealings with distaff pizza executives display Ovine business principles. An inspiring, but misinformed campaigner, at times his ideas are much like those of the great party intellectual, Sara Hockeyloo. Herman would change the tax code to a 9 percent business flat tax, a 9 percent personal income flat tax, and a 9 percent national sales tax. A true bit of Reaganomics.

Donald Donkey: Also known as Terrapin Trump, as Secretary of Interior. He owns his own helicopter and can entertain foreign dignitaries in his own hotels with his own hair stylists. He would also be in a position to closely examine all birth certificates. Could pay for national parks by installing slot machines. Could inspire Americans to new heights of brainless self-adoration.

Simple Santorum: Also known as Rickie the Rooster, as Secretary of Housing and Urban Development. He is supported by the swine because he thinks birth control is harmful to females and believes in large litters. A true linear thinker – says homosexuality “leads to man on child, man on dog, or whatever.” He doesn’t believe in the separation of church and state. His deep religious conviction would fit well with Willard Moose, whose own religion prohibits such sins as enjoying a hot cuppa in the morning or a cold brew in the evening.

Bull Perry: Known by friends as Rick the Rube, as for Secretary of Defense. He needs a large staff to make sure he remembers meetings. He would be popular with the Marines because he doesn’t ask and can’t tell. A classic Long Horn type, he would provide laser pistols to shoot the occasional terrorist. Has strong support in the South because his Ovine pasture platform “opposes the teaching of thinking skills and similar programs.”

Molly Bachman: Or Polly Piranha, for Secretary of Homeland Security. An obdurate, intense leader of the farm bats (Ovines that hang upside down at night), she represents the Teavangelical – a marriage of the Tea Party and the old Moral Majority. She would build a mile-high fence around the entire farm and forbid any form of birth control.

Running out of time, the debaters passed by Paul Squirrel – the Antique Antelope –- thinking he wouldn’t be considered because he would shrink military expenditures, definitely not a popular idea among Ovines with defense industries in their barns.

Whether the farm can know what to expect from Willie Moose is still a mystery – possibly even to him.

Quote of the week:

“If Willard Romney is elected, he will be the first president to have bank account in Switzerland” – Newt Gingrich

Rodney Quinn, a former Maine secretary of state, lives in Westbrook. He can be reached at [email protected].