I know from experience that what Mandy is doing is not a good way to handle things. What stopped me from cutting was getting a permanent scar from it. Although plenty of people told me that cutting was no way to deal with my pain, the only one I listened to in the end was myself.
I really want Mandy to stop. I told her not to do it, but I’m afraid she will anyway. She’s an amazing person, and she doesn’t deserve the pain she is causing herself. How can I help her?
— BEEN THERE IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR BEEN THERE: Continue encouraging your friend to stop cutting, but if she’s not able to, she may need professional help to quit. It is nothing to be ashamed of.
A counselor at school might be able to help if Mandy is willing to talk to one. But if she isn’t, then tell your mother about this so she can let Mandy’s mother know what’s going on. Cutting can be a sign of serious depression, and secrets of this kind are destructive.
DEAR ABBY: I’m 19 and in college on a scholarship. I have decided to declare an art major. I have found a part-time job that will give me a little extra income — figure modeling for some of the art classes. This would include both clothed and nude modeling.
It isn’t the only job I plan on taking, but it will help me out for the time being. Studying the human figure is essential for any art student, and it is something that has been done for centuries.
When I told my parents, it was not wellreceived.
My mother strongly disagreed with my choice and handed the phone to my sister, who told me if I want to take my clothes off I should be a stripper. Abby, this hurt me deeply. My dad is worried that it will ruin my reputation. I find it hypocritical because my mom was an art major and her portfolio contains nude figures she drew.
My school is diligent about the safety and respect of its models, and I trust them. I’d like to take this job for the experience, and it will allow me to make more connections within the department I’ll be studying in for the next two years.
I’m not looking for my parents’ approval, but I wish they would attempt to understand. What would you suggest?
— SERIOUS STUDENT IN VIRGINIA
DEAR SERIOUS STUDENT: Having studied figure drawing myself years ago, I can attest to the fact that models of all ages were used — both nude and clothed. There was nothing lurid or sexual about it, and the models were not posed in a suggestive manner or being ogled.
If you wish to display your body in the context of an art class, you shouldn’t have to justify it to your parents or your sister. Your mother appears to have a short memory, and your sister’s comment was out of line.
DEAR ABBY: My 12- year-old son still calls me Mommy. My daughter, who is two years older, calls me Mom. I don’t want to hurt my son’s feelings, but I think at his age he should transition to calling me Mom. What do you think? Should I just give it time, or is there an age limit for calling one’s mother Mommy?
— JUST MOM IN FLORIDA
DEAR JUST MOM: I think you should keep your mouth shut. There is nothing shameful or wrong about a son calling his mother Mommy if that is what he has done all his life. Frankly, it’s rather sweet, and it’s far more loving than some of the names people have written to me when referring to their mothers.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have the same argument every year around Thanksgiving. He says there is a difference between stuffing and dressing. I say they’re the same thing, except that stuffing is baked in the turkey, while dressing is baked separately in a casserole dish.
My husband insists I’m wrong — that the difference has nothing to do with how it’s cooked. He thinks stuffing is made with regular bread, while dressing is made with cornbread.
The debate is driving me crazy. Will you please tell me who is right?
— STUFFING VS. DRESSING IN OHIO
DEAR STUFFING VS. DRESSING: The terms “dressing” and “stuffing” are interchangeable. They refer to a seasoned mixture used to stuff meat or poultry. It makes no difference what kind of bread is used.
Some tips: If you plan to stuff your turkey, be sure all the ingredients are precooked (i.e. vegetables, fruit, meat, seafood). Using pasteurized liquid eggs is safer than using raw eggs. The turkey should be stuffed right before it is put into the oven, never ahead of time.
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