I got a Christmas letter the other day from some distant relatives up country. The way I see it, any relative you have to drive almost four hours to visit is a distant relative – even if it’s a brother or first cousin.

For the past several years, these folks have been including a nice letter (remember them?) in their card to let friends and relatives down this way know about all the exciting things that have gone on in town in 2014. You have to understand that “exciting” as it’s used here is a relative term (no pun intended) because the town I come from – the town these relatives write about in their letter – was never known as a good place to find excitement.

A tourist once asked a resident of the town what he did for excitement and he said, “To tell you the truth, I’ve never been excited.” The town manager has a little sign on the wall behind his desk that says, “So little time; so little to do!”

According to this letter, 2014 started off with a bang and everyone for miles around drove over to Wytopitlock Grange Hall for the big variety show. Imitating the big cities, the folks in Wytopitlock cap off the year ending with a big show in the Grange Hall on Main Street and they pack that place right up to the rafters. They say there were cars parked along both sides of Main Street for over 50 yards.

Normally, the idea of driving over to Wytopitlock is not my idea of how fun times begin, but friends and relatives who’ve been to it say this event is worth the trip. The featured performer was supposed to be the magician from Waterville. No one knew much about him but the committee members said he had an impressive brochure and everyone figured if he’s from Waterville he must be pretty good, right? Well, I guess he wasn’t all that impressive. Some in the audience thought the most impressive thing he did was find his way from Waterville to Wytopitlock.The crowd’s favorite performer, by quite a margin, was Alton Peasley from neighboring Passadumkeg, who for his big finish juggled six flaming, double-edged axes while carving a large chunk of ice into a moose. As a local musician played “Lady of Spain” on his accordion, Peasley juggled and carved and two-stepped all around the stage to thunderous applause. Everyone was so absorbed in the drama of the moment that they hardly noticed the EMTs who arrived to transport the injured in the front row. In fact, some thought the EMTs were just part of the finale.

Fortunately, there weren’t too many serious injuries and most of the injured were treated and released.

As per Maine statutes that regulate artistic performances, there were several clogging groups, 11 or 12 country and western bands and, for the real arty set, a mime.

The whole thing was over and done with by 8:30 and the town was completely deserted by 9. Even on New Year’s Eve, folks up that way figure you’re only looking for trouble if you’re still driving around after 9 at night.

Even though the show lost money, local sponsors say they plan to do it again. If I don’t see you this year in Wytopitlock, I hope your 2015 is a happy one.

John McDonald is the author of five books on Maine, including “John McDonald’s Maine Trivia: A User’s Guide to Useless Information.” Contact him at [email protected].