When my older son David was about 4 years old, we’d take him to Bowdoin College hockey games at the old Dayton Arena. We would let him walk all the way around the packed arena by himself, because he was easy to spot in his bright orange outfit. Can you imagine parents today approving such an adventure?

David was always the independent sort, always on the go. One time he decided to scale the tall grandfather clock in the living room, the one with a full kerosene lamp at the top. Small problem. Big tumble. The clock and the lamp came crashing to the floor on top of him. No injuries, no big deal. Another time he was running too fast down the hill in front of our house when he lost his balance and his arm twisted backwards at the elbow. Our pediatrician Dr. White came to the rescue and set the arm back in place.

He also had a good technique for getting his parents to do what he wanted. As a teen, for example, he’d ask, “Are we going to Wendy’s in 5 minutes or 10 minutes?” Nice of him to give his parents some agency in the decision.

Despite these mishaps and, some might argue, overly laissez faire approach to parenting, David emerged as a fine young man — Princeton degree in electrical engineering/computer science, great career in the high tech field (Microsoft and Amazon), three fine sons and an energetic wife who performs as a trapeze artist in her spare time.

My younger son Jon has been equally successful, after barely surviving his first week because of complications resulting from the RH-negative blood issue. He graduated from Bowdoin, earned his doctorate at the University of Washington, did graduate work at Stanford and now works in health care research. “We distill large amounts of medical evidence to determine which work, for which patients, and how well.”

While I’m very proud of my two sons, I take no credit for their success. I just managed not to stand in their way. Yes, I coached some of their athletic teams and was always a loyal fan, but I never offered advice or bugged them about doing their homework or anything else. That said, I did offer financial incentives for getting good grades, which seemed to pay dividends.

And that leads me to my thoughts about parenting:

A lot of it’s pure luck, over which a parent has little control.

As a parent, your main role is to be there, offering a safe and loving environment.

Read to your kids early and often and encourage them to read. Instilling a love of reading is one of the greatest gifts you can give.

When your kid demonstrates a keen interest in something, encourage her/him. Even if, and this is critical, that interest is in a risky field, such as theater or music or art or in a low-paid area, such as teaching or social work.

Convey the message that life ain’t always fair. Bad things happen to everyone. Resilience matters most.

Good manners matter too. Get your kids to send thank you notes to people for gifts, for example, no matter how long or legible.

Kids learn most by how their parents live and act, not from what they say.

Limited space precludes a review of the dangers of addictions to the internet. I’m glad I didn’t have to deal with that issue when my two sons were growing up. Suffice it to say that any activity which brings a family together — games, singing, hikes, etc. — is better for everyone’s mental health than endless time spent in front of a screen.

In this era of political polarization and immigrant bashing, the words from “You’ve Got to be Carefully Taught” from “South Pacific” bear repeating:

“You’ve got to be taught to be afraid

Of people whose eyes are oddly made,

And people whose skin is a different shade—

You’ve got to be carefully taught.

“You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late,

Before you are six or seven or eight,

To hate all the people your relatives hate…”

While I’ve alluded to the dangers of addictions to the computer, I confess that I start each day by playing Wordle, Quorlde and Octordle along with my sons David and Jon. We each post our scores — theirs usually come later as they live on the west coast — and the overall results are fairly even over time. Again, as in parenting, luck matters. But it’s nice to show them that their dad still has a little gas in the tank, a little strut to his walk.

David Treadwell, a Brunswick writer, welcomes commentary and suggestions for future “Just a Little Old” columns at dtreadwe575@aol.com.