At Dora’s first appointment, I did all the talking. First there was the diagnosis and testing required to determine how far the lymphoma had spread. Then there was chemotherapy and side-effects. Finally there was prognosis and survival.

At Dora’s second appointment, she waved a piece of paper as I entered the examining room, and blurted out, “Now it’s my turn to talk.” Dora asked me if she might die and I nodded yes. She exclaimed, “Then this is what I wanna do.” Dora read from the piece of paper, “Australia, Italy, Ireland, New Zealand, and six others.” Dora realized I was puzzled, so she continued, “This is my bucket list. These are the top ten places I read about in a magazine that people want to visit before they die. I’ve always wanted to travel, and was going to wait until I retired. But since I could die from this cancer before retirement, I want to start now. I want to make the most of the moments I have left. Can I?” Because her treatment was monthly and had tolerable side-effects, the answer to her question was definitely yes. On her way home after her first intravenous treatment, Dora stopped at AAA to discuss her plans with a travel agent: “What’s not to love about dream vacations and thrills?”

Fast forward to Dora’s third big appointment nine months later when she finished her chemotherapy. Knowing that Dora had just returned home from another trip, I asked her how everything went. With a shrug, Dora answered, “I’m depressed. I’m lonely. I feel like I don’t know what’s happening with my children and grandchildren, my church, and everything.”

Dora had become alienated from her life at home. She had not attended any of her granddaughter’s track meets, soft ball games, or dance recitals. She knew more what was going on with the people she met on cruises than with her own children. Looking at the bulletin at her church, Dora did not recognize the people in charge of upcoming events. She felt more lost than just in the wrong pew. Dora pulled out the piece of paper, looked at it, and lamented, “I still have half the places to see. What am I going to do?”

Dora realized she was missing out what had been most important to her. Dora had to consider what was her mission in life. What is it simply to have fun? With a quick look at the Bible, Dora found some verses that showed her that the solution to her depression and loneliness was at home: “God sets the lonely in families” (Psalms 68:6), and “Children’s children are a crown to the aged (Proverbs 17:6).” “That’s were I belong,” Dora said with a sigh.

Dora realized her actions and beliefs could have an important impact on her grandchildren’s lives if she were with them. She found in the New Testament: “I have been reminded of your faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded, now lives in you also” (2 Timothy 1:5). She had much she could instruct her granddaughters with what she said and what she did. Though not looking for reward for her interaction with her family, she obtained comfort from the following in the Old Testament, “Her children arise and call her blessed” (Proverbs 31:28). “I’m sure that applies to grandchildren as well,” Dora added.

Dora needed to change what was ON her bucket. She wanted to be part of her family’s life, not merely a spectator. As Dora looked at her bucket list, she realized traveling was not everything. She would not give up what mattered to her in family life, church, and community: “I’ve been on every committee at the Museum and there’s still something left in me to offer.”

But the trips? Should she give them all up? “Maybe I could take the grandchildren with me. Then we could all learn something and I could be with them.”

In reflecting on what she was going through with the chemotherapy, Dora found some consolation despite the distress of the treatment and the anxiety about the future: “I’m glad I’ve had to consider what should be on my bucket list. No matter how much time I have, I should always be doing what’s important to me.”

Dr. Delvyn C. Case, Jr. is a hematologist/oncologist, playwright and director, columnist and consultant to the Department of Spiritual Care at Maine Medical Center in Portland.

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