This week, Lucius Flatley and his coffee shop compadres turned their discussion to the gubernatorial race in Maine, and reached the conclusion that they regretted the large number of independents who are running. Such confusion means that the winner will likely achieve office with only a minority of the voters, hardly the ideal circumstance for a democracy. It also damages political parties – organizations that, on balance, have benefited the republic. Regardless of clever and persuasive TV, a single campaign season does not full acquaintance make. Simply because a candidate promises this program or that program does not mean that he or she really knows how to get it done in government – the largest and most complex organization in the state. Governing a state does not equate to running a farm, factory or fun house. Should a farmer be qualified to run a fleet of fishing boats?

Whereas, a party candidate holding previous office not only has had some training, but also the voter can have some yardstick to measure what he or she might be able to do in higher office.

The Flatley group’s frustrations were expressed in doggerel:

Maine’s election for guv’nor is all in a dither,

Full of “indies” running yon, hither and thither

With each ego sure

That he has the cure

Our political parties they will cause to wither.

The election this year is full fraught

With guys who think it can be bought

With lots of TV

It’s easy to see

How nonsense and bull poop are easily taught.

The independents should concern ya

They are most like a painful hernia

They’ll split the vote and sink the boat

So people should say, go away, gol’dernya!

Whose state this is they think they know

They’ve looked it over head to toe

They think to run it with great ease

They tell us this by TV and blow.

Great gov’nors of yore must think it queer

To choose someone to lead us here

From men untried in govern skills

It’s like using ads to choose our beer.

Observers spin in fear and silent shake

In fear of a statewide grave mistake

Augusta needs hands tried and true

Not a self-made man or corporate flake.

Each claims the state an easy “do”

But character counts and experience too

The choice is ours, November 2

We must take care or we’ll surely rue

(With apologies to Henry Longfellow)

Listen, Maine voters and you shall hear

Of a search for guv’nor that stretched far and near

Hardly a man is now alive

Who remembers that time when we chose only pros

People well trained to deal with state woes

Now things have changed

This time one said, “Choose me, I’ve made money no end

(Although there were rules I had sometimes to bend)

This jerkwater state should be grateful indeed

That I’m willing to solve and treat every need”

Eeeny meeny, miney mo – to the untried we can go

But good sense says we should choose a pro.

(With apologies to Lewis Carroll)

The time has come, Maine voters said, to talk of many things,

Of politics, and jobs for all, and straightening out some dings

In government and jobs and if tea partiers do have wings

Also why so many egos announce themselves and sing

Their own praises, are they boiling hot or simply dingalings

Alloo alley, who’ll run them away, these self-appointed kings?

(And finally – the question of splitting the vote)

Maine has its own Ralphie Nader,

Who has visions of being his very own Raider

He’ll ring his own bell

To beat La Mitchell

Which will give Maine a homegrown Kool-Ader

Rodney Quinn, a former Maine secretary of state, lives in Gorham. He can be reached at rquinn@maine.rr.com.

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