This week the gang at the coffee shop considered the year 2016. Predictions that won a potato from the Flatley Farm were:
On the national scene:
Mitt Romney buys New Hampshire; builds car elevator in North Conway.
Justices Scalia and Thomas propose a constitutional amendment permitting Supreme Court justices to remain in office after death.
Monica Lewinsky converts to Mormonism, runs for governor of Utah.
Voting in Texas requires a concealed weapon permit. Voting in Florida limited to Jews over 65 and third-generation Latinos from Cuba.
Most presidential candidates use a one-syllable name: Vic, Rick, Dick, Nick, and Mitt (he is running again for the third time).
Beau Biden (son of Joe) and Chelsea Clinton are early candidates. Clinton says that she plans to make George Clooney secretary of state. Biden pledges Madonna for that post,
The only Kennedy relative running for office is Patrick John Arnold Shriver Schwarzenegger – a candidate for governor of California.
Hillary Clinton opens a chain of hairstyle salons specializing in wigs for elderly ladies.
Michelle Bachmann opens a web page titled “Serious Slop.” Few pay attention and, like a scorpion in a bottle, she gets so angry she bites her self to death.
Rush Limbaugh hires a string band and creates a variety show with Lady Gaga.
Gov. Jindal of Louisiana takes speaking lessons – says its time for an Indian in the White House, even a faux Indian.
Whoopee and Oprah form a lounge act and go on tour.
Tom Cruise marries co-star from movie “Two Guys in a Canoe.”
Sarah Palin writes another book, “Sarah at Sixty: A Tundra of Fun.”
Herman Cain pizza shops give away bumper stickers: “Nein, Nein, Not Hussein.”
Tagg Romney (son of Mitt) runs for mayor of Salt Lake City with campaign slogan, “Tagg: You’re It.”
Karl Rove super PACs add more than 250,000 jobs to the economy – all ad makers, telemarketers and poll takers.
Rick Perry fails in the “America Is Better Than Europe” contest by failing to identify the country of which Paris is the capital.
On the state and local scene:
There are competing casino proposals on the ballot for Aroostook and Washington counties.
Gov. LePage calls Portland “a pimple on the face of progress.”
Charlie Summers runs for Congress for the fourth time while still remaining secretary of state.
George Mitchell named head of the 2024 Winter Olympics.
Portland permits topless wear on beach and Eastern Promenade.
Maine Turnpike doubles tolls, citing reduced use.
Biddeford mayor signs contract for waste plant in Biddeford Pool.
Red Sox collapse in August.
Gorham buys entire center of town for parking spaces.
The University of Southern Maine hires three more vice presidents; announces budget shortfall.
Republican state committee chairman ties knot with long-time companion; resigns.
State Treasurer Poliquin buys Reid State Park; takes advantage of the tree growth law to build a NASCAR racetrack.
Lobster prices reach an all-time high.
Scarborough Downs becomes an open-space tax exemption.
Thought for the week:
The recent debate over circumcision brings to mind the gelding of wild mustangs. Should they be asked how they feel about it?
Rodney Quinn, a former Maine secretary of state, lives in Westbrook. He can be reached at rquinn@maine.rr.com.
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