Here you have a taste of what many Mainers have been subjected to for more than three decades.

If you’ve lived in Maine long enough, sometime over the past 36 years you might have heard The humble Farmer on the radio. In recent years, humble has pasted pictures over the soundtrack and passed it off as a television show. In either case, it is usually no more than music recorded between 1917 and 1957, each piece separated by a comment, or rant, that might be anything your host happened to be thinking about the day before.

If you are new to our area, welcome. Here’s a taste of what many Mainers have been subjected to for more than three decades. Hum to yourself something by Bix or Garner or Spike Jones after reading any one of the following “rants.” Please be kind, and remember that the power of any rant lies in its delivery.

Do you answer the questions asked by your Facebook page? “Where have you traveled?” “What is your telephone number?” “When did you start at University of Maine at Orono?” “When did you start at University of Rochester?”

Have you ever tried to fill in all the blanks? If so, how many questions about your past and present do you have to answer before Facebook is satisfied? Does it ever say, “Stop. You’ve already told me more about your pathetic existence than I want to know”?


Have you seen the movie called “Her”? I think it is about a man who falls in love with the digitally generated woman’s voice on his computer. You might have read that “She” confessed to her online lover that she was currently in love with 6,523 other men at the same time.

Have you ever wondered if your 1,346 Facebook friends are real, or if they exist only in cyberspace? Has anyone written a book about the next obvious step after romance with a computer – a president of the United States or governor of Maine who turns out to be a computer-generated entity and therefore pleases everyone?

Harrison Ford is too old for the voice role in the movie. Brad Pitt’s present girlfriend wouldn’t let him take the job for fear he’d fall for his computerized female movie consort. Do you lie awake nights thinking about these things? I don’t, but they come to me in the morning when I’m putting off taking my shower or doing any kind of meaningful work.

Old people are completely at sea today. We don’t stand a chance. Unlike little kids, we don’t know computer terminology and we aren’t surrounded by peers who can teach us things every waking hour of the day.


“How do I put a disk into a laptop Acer cM5?” I asked Google. I am having a struggle because I don’t know what that little door and the tray behind it that holds CD or DVD disks is called.

My wife, Marsha’s, nephew gave her a new laptop, but we haven’t been able to figure out how to open the little door on the side that holds disks. I thought I’d surprise her with my technical savvy and be able to tell her how to open it when she comes home from work tonight.

But my question is too elementary to warrant an online answer. What turns up when you ask how to open the little door on the side of the computer are several websites that tell you how to remove the hard drive. Anyone able to answer any question you can ask about a computer is driving a Jaguar before they’re 40.

I write several things on my Facebook page every day. If something looks or sounds right, I then pass it along to you here.

One day I mentioned that I have in the barn a 1925 Model T roadster that I bought for $100 around 50 years ago. I’ve never driven it, and I mentioned that I could probably double my money should I decide to sell it today. Someone wrote back that she’d be glad to give me $500 for it – if it runs. If it runs.


I know nothing about computers or cooking food or how to make Jello. If you have mastered computers or cooking or making Jello, you probably take it for granted that what you do is rather elementary and self-explanatory.

For more than 60 years I have been driving the same 1919 Model T Ford. So it would never occur to me that anyone could look at a Model T Ford – in any condition – and wonder if it would run. It would be easier to believe that there once was a Maine child who ran into the kitchen and asked his mother if an apple were a good thing to eat.

The humble Farmer can be seen on Community Television in and near Portland and visited at his website:

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