Tina and I recently went to TJ Maxx to buy underwear. She picked out hers, I picked out mine, and we went to the counter. I told the young woman behind the register that we were buying “unmentionables.” She didn’t smile.

We got home, and I discovered that my four pairs of underwear had no fly. I thought I’d bought defects. We returned to the store, and I told the same young woman that the underwear I had bought had no fly. The nearby manager overheard me and came over and said, “None of these performance pants have flies.” Performance pants? That was a new one on me. Apparently, some men buy such pants to go work out or something, even though they look just like underwear.

I told the manager with a straight face, “I like flies in my underwear.” She didn’t laugh, although a few nearby customers chuckled. She gave me a refund and took me back to the men’s department. She pulled out a package and announced proudly, “These have flies.” I said, “Can we open the package to be sure?” She opened the package and, lo and behold, these underwear had flies in them.” I left the store with proper underwear, a happy camper.

I’m an old guy, so maybe I can be forgiven for not knowing about flyless underwear. I don’t get it. That said, there are a lot of other things I don’t get. Here goes …

The appeal of NASCAR. Loud cars driving round in circles don’t do it for me. On the other hand, I enjoy watching professional golf on television. To each his own, I guess.

The electoral college. Why do we maintain a system in which four or five “swing” states determine the outcome of a presidential election? And which can result in a person being elected president without receiving the majority of the popular vote?

People who choose to start smoking cigarettes. Why endanger your health to maintain an expensive habit, especially since smoking cigarettes is no longer considered cool?

Parents who don’t insist that their children write thank-you notes for gifts.

The “shoes off” mandate at airport security lines. One wacko puts a weapon in his shoe and millions of flyers face unnecessary hassles.

Electronic holiday cards. Yes, it takes longer to send real cards in the mail, but they make a bigger impact, in my view.

The American gun culture. Guns cause thousands of deaths every year in the U.S., but most members of Congress won’t act because they might anger the “Don’t take my guns away” yahoos or risk losing NRA donations.

Kale and tofu. Some people swear by kale and tofu; I swear at them, especially since I tried kale chips at a cocktail party and a blueberry tofu milkshake at the Common Ground Fair.

Politicians who lie with a straight face or radically change positions in response to the latest poll.

Young people who cover their arms and legs with tattoos. They may come to regret it.

The cost of a bag of popcorn at the movie theater. If you must have buttered popcorn when you see a movie, consider smuggling it in.

Companies that spend millions on advertising, yet refuse to hire enough people to provide good customer service. Are you listening Infinity/Comcast?

Loud music at a basketball game or, worse, a restaurant.

Boors who badger their server at a restaurant. They’re fortunate that they can afford to go out to eat.

People who believe that America is no longer a racist country. Those same people don’t want their children to learn about our long history of discrimination because they might feel guilty

Bullies and the people who admire them. Are you listening, diehard Trump supporters?

Spending thousands of dollars to attend a sporting event like the Super Bowl or a Taylor Swift concert. Why not send a poor kid to camp instead or give a donation to the local food pantry?

As I review this list of things that I just don’t get, I probably come off as a grumpy old man. “Get over it,” some might say, not without reason. “You have a lot to be thankful for.” They’re right. I really do. Next time I get my panties in a bunch, though, I’ll be comforted to know that they have a fly in them.

David Treadwell, a Brunswick writer, welcomes commentary and suggestions for future “Just a Little Old” columns at dtreadw575@aol.com.

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