Unlike watching television, where anyone who selects the same channel at the same time as you is going to be watching the same show as you, everyone who scrolls through the feed of a social media website or app sees a different chain of content. This content stream is determined by an algorithm. Most algorithm equations are proprietary; we don’t know exactly what goes in them and why. Generally, the algorithm learns what kind of content you like to watch and feeds you more of it, which is why my Instagram feed is full of dog videos. But sometimes non-dog content makes its way to me, propelled by what the internet thinks I want to see.

And lately, the internet thinks that I, and probably millions of other women, want to see “tradwife” content.

“Tradwife” is a portmanteau of “traditional” and “wife.” Women who describe themselves as tradwives are, or aspire to be, wives, mothers and homemakers to the extreme. They do not work outside the home, although their stances on women who do vary – some maintain a “you do you” attitude of acceptance, and some think working women go against God’s plan. They generally make a big deal of submitting to their husband as the “head of the household” (and not just the tax thing). The specifics of the content vary as well, but the women are all young, beautiful and white; they tend to be surrounded by beautiful, usually rustic aesthetics: vegetable gardens, homemade bread, adorable toddlers.

In their videos, tradwives spend a lot of time hyping up how “unconventional,” unorthodox or unusual their lifestyle is. I get that everyone wants to feel special and rebellious, but the idea that the domestic sphere is the best, natural and ideal place for a woman is ancient. Literally. The only new part is the smartphone.

Let me be clear: I have absolutely no problem with a spouse of any gender being a homemaker. My own mom was a stay-at-home mom for several years, until my brother and I were kindergarten age. Heck, I took the whole month of March off work, and it was incredibly liberating to not have a time clock to answer to, to have the rhythms of my days entirely set by the schedules of two small creatures dependent on me for their needs to be met (in my case it was dogs, not kids).

I can absolutely see the allure of a tradwife lifestyle, especially if I were a teenager looking around right now. The world is chaotic; the tradwife lifestyle and extremely traditional gender roles can provide structure. Most young women do have marriage and family on their list of life goals, and since those sorts of relationships tend to be what gives life its meaning and make it worthwhile, who wouldn’t want to skip out on the 9-to-5 rat race and focus entirely on those things?

What’s dangerous is relying entirely financially on one other person – usually, because of “tradition,” a man. In our society, unfortunately, money is power. It’s power in the context of relationships, too. What happens if one of their trad husbands becomes abusive? How will they get themselves or their children away? (If only the “wages for housework” feminists had won that battle. A prophet is never recognized in her own time, I guess.) Divorce lawyers cost a lot of money. Even if the husband ends up being perfect, life happens.

My grandmother was married at 21 in 1960, had her first child in 1961 and was a widow by 1962. Thanks to a generous life insurance policy, she didn’t have to work and eventually remarried another career-minded military man. Her plan was to be an officer’s wife – pretty “trad” – but he turned out to be a bad husband. She ended up broke in her mid-30s in the mid-1970s, with three small children to take care of. She had to move back in with her mother. And she was lucky to be able to do that! I shudder to think of women in her position without that familial safety net. Situations like that were the reason the second-wave feminists fought so hard for workplace inclusion and financial independence. My grandmother made sure my mom knew that, and she passed on the knowledge to me. I’m worried someone’s dropped the ball when it comes to today’s teenage girls. They might realize too late that they were sold a bill of goods.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that there’s been a rise in interest in this tradwife proposition just as our country is dealing with a right-wing backlash to women’s rights, the overturning of Roe v Wade being chief among them. It’s long been clear that a strain of conservative Christianity wants to force everyone else in America to conform to their interpretation of the Bible. Now, they’re using a carrot – the allure of brightly filmed, neatly packaged lifestyle videos – as well as a stick (the outlawing of abortion) to push women back into a subjugated position in society. The easiest way to get someone to do something is to convince them it was their idea in the first place.

My only advice to young women contemplating a life of biblical womanhood and submission to a husband is to make sure you have money that he can’t touch. Money that you can grab and run if you have to. Working outside of the home might go against biblical principles, but you know what isn’t? A dowry. The way things are going in this country these days, we might need to start bringing them back.

Victoria Hugo-Vidal is a Maine millennial. She can be contacted at:
themainemillennial@gmail.com
Twitter: @mainemillennial

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