Joan (Paton) Tilney

FALMOUTH – Joan Paton Tilney, 95, died peacefully on Aug. 1, 2024 surrounded by her loving family. At the time of her death she was still living independently at Ocean View in Falmouth.

Joan’s many passions were evident throughout her spacious, light-filled apartment: an opera playing, her stunning photographs lining the walls, and a potting bench nestled in a corner of her balcony. Joan always referred to herself as “the luckiest person alive,” reflecting her love of life, devotion to family and friends and unyielding positive attitude despite outliving three husbands and one of her five children.

Joan was born in Baltimore, Md. on Nov. 3, 1928 into a distinguished medical family. One of her grandfathers wrote the then, 1905, definitive textbook on psychiatry. Her father, a renowned ophthalmologist, pioneered corneal transplants and established the world’s first eye bank in New York City, N.Y., where the family moved in 1933.

At the age of 15, Joan Paton met Bernie Peyton. After attending Sarah Lawrence College and 800 love letters later, they married and started a family. Tragically, while Joan was pregnant with their third child, her younger sister drowned and Bernie died in a plane crash. That child, Pammie, born with cystic fibrosis, learned to thrive despite her illness and outlived her life expectancy by decades, thanks largely to her devoted husband and her own mottos, “Miracles happen” and “Laughter heals.”

Six years after the death of Bernie, Joan happily married her old friend, Bob Olney. After two more children, they moved from New York City to Cold Spring Harbor, N.Y. Joan’s life revolved around children, schools, numerous community projects, gardening, photography, the Metropolitan Opera Guild and the cancer and neuroscience research center, Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory, where Joan continued to hold an active lifelong interests. After 16 years of marriage, Bob died of cancer.

In 1959, Bob had introduced Joan to her “spiritual home,” Isle au Haut and Kimball Island in Penobscot Bay, where she has summered ever since. Upon her first visit, Joan fell in love with the islands’ rugged beauty and a way of life that demanded physical and adventurous engagement. Several years ago, she spent six weeks alone on Kimball Island taking long walks, gardening and rowing daily to Isle au Haut to buy groceries and pick up mail. “Sheer heaven,” she recalled. This past July, Joan stayed on the island for three weeks in the company of her family, some sheep and cows and a great-grandchild who had been born in her bed the year before.

Although Joan never expected to marry again, Robin Tilney swept her off her feet. In 1978, she moved to his farm in New Jersey, spending summers sailing the Maine coast and Canadian Maritimes and traveling throughout the world. After Robin died in 2005, Joan moved permanently to Maine to be near two of her children.

For the next 19 years, Joan immersed herself in her community – volunteering, hosting events, generously supporting many causes, and welcoming new people of all ages into her life. Up until the day she died, Joan was astute in managing her own affairs. She valued good habits around self-care and made a point of looking her best for any occasion. In the company of others, Joan was always gracious, elegant, joyfully enthusiastic and full of good humor. Privately she lived a highly organized and purposeful life.

Though aspects of Joan’s life contained great sadness, she held forth an unyielding belief in the sacredness of each day within which to convey outward expressions of love. Joan devoted her time and energy to the well-being of others – always reaching out with a phone call, a thoughtful card or a generous act of kindness. Whether conversing with a family member, a friend or a new acquaintance, Joan made everyone feel the center of her attention, drawing out their stories and interests; never forgetting the details of those conversations. Since her death, friends and family have universally shared that to know Joan was to simply love her and be loved fiercely in return.

A celebration of life service is being held at 11 a.m. Saturday, Sept. 21 at Saint Bartholomew’s Episcopal Church in Yarmouth. For those who cannot attend, the service will be live-streamed and recorded. A second celebration is being planned out on Isle au Haut next summer.

Memorial gifts in Joan’s name can be made to the

Maine Seacoast Mission https://seacoastmission.org