Warning: While none of these lyrics has been copyrighted before this publication, and permission is hereby granted to recite them, some of the tunes that you may be tempted to sing might be protected. Therefore, performances of these tunes may result in action against you by the law firm of Scrooge, Cheney & Ging-Grinch.
Jingle Bells
Cut food stamps
For poor kids
Cut ’em all the way.
Oh, think how much dough we will save
If they don’t eat every day.
Subsidies for farms,
As long as they are big,
But tell that hungry poor child
That she can’t eat like a pig.
Cut food stamps,
Cut food stamps,
As much as we can,
And we’ll have billions more
To spend in Afghanistan.
Good King Wenceslas
Leader Harry Reid looked out
On the filibuster;
Said this gridlock has to end,
So the votes I’ll muster
To let Obama exercise,
His constitutional power.
And if the GOP objects,
They can just sit and glower;
Judgeships should not go unfilled
To block good regulations,
The Volcker Rule must not be killed
By judges’ machinations.
Reform of credit default swaps
And mortgages subprime
Will be the country’s Christmas gift
’Cause the Senate’s off the dime.
We Three Kings
We three tea party senators are,
Moving the country to the right – quite far.
Cruz from Texas, Lee from Utah
And Rand Paul from Kentucky.
We think government does more harm than good
We’d repeal Medicaid if we could
Rightward leading, we’re proceeding
To shut things down if we get lucky.
We think the poor should be on their own
Taxers should leave rich people alone
And if our country defaults on its debt
We’d treasure that as our best gift yet;
Good tidings for the tea party.
Santa Claus is Coming to Town
You better not plot
You better not spy
Be politically safe
I’m telling you why:
The NSA is taking it down.
They know to whom you email
And what you say on the phone
And if you make them nervous,
You’ll be visited by a drone.
Don’t get on the list
They send TSA
’Cause when you try to fly,
They’ll tell you NO WAY
The NSA is taking it down.
You may be a prime minister
Who thinks you are our friend
But that won’t stop the NSA
From listening on your end
The NSA knows ev-ery-thing.
O CHRISTMAS TREE
O immigrants,
O immigrants,
Republicans don’t like you
They think you are too different
To fit our melting pot
And they worry that most of you
Will vote for Democrats a lot
So to get you all away from here,
They will do their worst
While Native Americans
Wish they had done it first.
WHITE CHRISTMAS
I’m dreaming of all-white voters
Like old-time Mississippi
With blacks abstaining
And not complaining
Just ask the guy from “Duck Dynasty.”
Thanks to five Supreme Court judges,
Vote suppression is allowed.
Tough complications
Cut registrations
So at the polls there will not be a crowd.
If we can have just white voters
How that will help the GOP.
So if the electorate is white,
All contests will be won by the right.
Barney Frank is a retired congressman and the author of landmark legislation. He divides his time between Maine and Massachusetts.
Twitter: @BarneyFrank
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