Top 10 reasons most Maine Republican leaders did not attend Donald Trump’s campaign rally in Bangor on Wednesday:

1. Had a previous family commitment.

2. Was desperately looking for a previous family commitment.

3. Had already agreed to go clamming with George Will.

4. Event conflicted with “Make Augusta Great Again” rally.

5. Gov. LePage’s wife refused to fill in at Red Lobster part-time server shift.

6. Was still working on evolving, on-the-fence Trump endorsement.

7. Could not remove “Cruz for President” tattoo.

8. Allergic to industrial orange dye.

9. Constituents threatened an intervention.

10. Doctor warned that Trump’s unfavorable rating is contagious.

Ben Alper

comedy writer

Belmont, Massachusetts, and Harpswell