Woman emerges from stalking ordeal hoping to help others avoid them
By David Hench dhench@mainetoday.com
Staff Writer
A year and a half ago, Maura opened her apartment door to find a stranger there, a man who said he was responding to an Internet classified ad inviting men to visit her for sex.
Maura, who is 30, at one point changed her name and moved to Louisiana to escape a stalker, but it didn't work.
Derek Davis/Staff Photographer
Immediately, she suspected Shawn Sayer, her ex-fiance, who had already served seven months in jail for stalking her. She went online and found the personal ad and saw the provocative image of her that Sayer had taken while they were engaged years before.
Later that night, while heading for the refuge of a friend's apartment, she stepped into the pitch-black hallway and immediately felt someone's presence behind her, then a hand caressing her back.
She shoved the man -- not the same guy who showed up earlier -- and he went toppling down the stairs before staggering out of the building clutching his injured nose.
Thus began a new and more sinister chapter in a four-year ordeal that followed her breakup with Sayer.
"It was devastating," she said. "I went from being fearful of one man to pretty much all men."
The episodes escalated to where, for the past few months, there would be two to six visitors responding to similar ads, almost every day of the week.
"It was scary day in and day out," Maura said.
When she stopped answering the door, the men were instructed to knock on the window, or come to the backyard, or to her work, in each case believing the ads had been posted by her.
She posted signs in each window that read: "If you knock on my window, I will call the police" and "A man pretending to be a woman invited you here. Leave now."
Maura, a 30-year-old resident of South Portland, offered to share her story to give strength to women enduring similar problems and to encourage police agencies to be more responsive when receiving such reports.
The Portland Press Herald is not using her full name to protect her privacy.
Despite the ordeal and her extensive efforts to adapt to it, Maura said her life was not ruined. She did not want to give Sayer that satisfaction.
Instead, she made coping with it just another of the labors in her busy life. She was going to nursing school and working two jobs.
She said she is blessed to have had supportive friends and neighbors.
Despite getting less than stellar help from a variety of police agencies over the four years, Maura declined to criticize specific departments, saying only that officers need to treat such reports seriously and improve their ability to respond.
"I don't want to say I got no help. I would say it was subpar at best," she said. "Had this been taken seriously in the beginning, it would not have gotten to this point."
She is deeply grateful to the Maine State Police Computer Crimes Unit. A nine-month investigation by detectives led to Sayer's arrest last week on charges of violating a protection-from-abuse order and violating bail conditions related to a previous charge of violating a protection order.
The case was challenging because, police say, Sayer was uploading images and fake ads using a laptop and publicly accessible wireless connections instead of his own Internet service provider. Tracing the source of the ads merely led back to the owner of the wireless Internet connection.
Police were able to assemble enough information to get a search warrant, but Sayer appeared to have been tipped off. Police found no laptop, and the hard drive from his desktop computer was missing.
A second search warrant last week led to the charges against Sayer.
Maura's relationship with Sayer began in 2003.
Sayer has the ability to be very charming, as he was when they first dated, Maura said. He also was adept at emotionally isolating her, she said.
She had no idea he was capable of the pathological cruelty he displayed after they broke up in 2006.
"He's just evil," she said.
At first, he would show up at her house and her work, be at the grocery store when she was there, or the gym or at the beach. When she complained to police, he would turn on the charm and suggest she was crazy or exaggerating, she said.
"I'd be putting in a police report and he would somehow be able to schmooze them all," she said.
Once she took his picture at one encounter, and he reported it as harassment. Police told her to stop.
Sayer was convicted of stalking Maura in 2007 and spent seven months in jail. After a brief respite, the behavior started up again, this time using the Internet, she said.
Exasperated, she took a dramatic step. She changed her name, left family and friends and moved to Louisiana, where a relative lived.
"I packed my car in the night. I left my curtains up so it wouldn't look like I was leaving," she said.
She was there two months when a man arrived at her door, looking for her by her new name, and said he was responding to a personal ad.
"I was devastated," she said. "This was my chance to start over."
Finally, she sent letters to the chief of the state police and to Attorney General Janet Mills, pleading for help for herself and other women facing similar situations.
"Please don't let our mothers get that phone call every mother hopes she'll never get," she wrote to Mills. The letter found its way to the Computer Crimes Task Force, which began an investigation.
Maura still does not know how Sayer was able to track her movements.
"I have changed my phone number anywhere from a dozen to two dozen times," she said. "It became just part of my life."
One particularly unsettling development occurred when she signed up online to join a soccer league.
Within 30 minutes, she received a text message warning her not to get involved with the team.
Emily Flowers, a spokeswoman for Caring Unlimited, which serves domestic abuse victims in York County, said many high-tech gadgets and software intended for one use can be put to nefarious purposes by a controlling partner or ex-partner.
"We're seeing it more and more often," she said.
"What's tricky about it is that it changes in an instant."
In its annual report in January, the Maine Domestic Abuse Homicide Review Panel recommended launching a community awareness campaign about how modern technology, social networking sites and cell phones can become the tools of an abuser.
Advocates and police agencies are scrambling to keep up, learning how to scan a cell phone for spy gear or find tracking software on a computer, Flowers said.
Sayer, an occasionally employed carpenter, also had lots of free time to do research, police said.
Maura understands it's easy for people to judge women in similar situations, and many feel shame, guilt and fear.
The abuse, whether physical or emotional, doesn't start immediately, but builds gradually over time, she said.
"One day you wake up going, 'How did I get in this situation and now how do I get out?'" she said.
Maura no longer uses e-mail or social networking sites. She communicates face-to-face or by phone.
She installed a four-camera security system and carries a mini-video recorder in case she is confronted.
Sayer is being held in the York County Jail pending an Aug. 13 hearing. Police say federal authorities are exploring additional charges.
Staff Writer David Hench can be contacted at 791-6327 or at:
dhench@pressherald.com
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47 COMMENTS
dcl3500 said...
Well hopefully he will get more than 7 months this time around, and even more hopefully, he will decide to leave her alone when he gets out the next time.
July 10, 2010 at 12:17 AM Report abuse
ArthurFink said...
We went through a similar experience, but before "stalking" was generally known and before there were any laws about this crime in particular. Kudos to "Maura" for coming forward with her story, so that others can see the signs and head off further trouble. But hard to say this, and not sound like the target is in some way responsible.
July 10, 2010 at 2:44 AM Report abuse
ArthurFink said...
We went through a similar experience, but before "stalking" was generally known and before there were any laws about this crime in particular. Kudos to "Maura" for coming forward with her story, so that others can see the signs and head off further trouble. But hard to say this, and not sound like the target is in some way responsible.
July 10, 2010 at 2:45 AM Report abuse
UofA said...
After posting the same thing twice, did you really have a similar experience, ArthurFink?
July 10, 2010 at 3:54 AM Report abuse
Ladydiodes2 said...
There are probably more cases of stalking than what has been reported. My stalked had the gall to come and sit next to me at church. Unfortunately for him, the couple that was sitting behind me, saw how the stalked was squeezing my leg so hard so that I wouldn't move. So when it came to go to the alter for communion, the man sitting behind squeezed between me and stalker. He ushered my out of the church, to a waiting police car who arrested the stalker. The police dept. and the courts really don't take stalking serious unless something serious happens to the victim.
July 10, 2010 at 4:28 AM Report abuse
Snoot said...
Maura.... get a gun. Take the handgun safety course, learn how to use the gun and use it well, then get a concealed weapons permit and take it with you everywhere you go. You already KNOW you can't rely on the police to be there to protect you if and when this happens again. To all other women out there who are also going through something like this...PROTECT YOURSELF.
July 10, 2010 at 5:17 AM Report abuse
Sam said...
The police blamed the victim and instructed her not to take pictures when she tried to gather evidence. If she pulled a gun the stalker would probably be able to get her locked up.
July 10, 2010 at 5:38 AM Report abuse
jake007 said...
wow...sounds like she sure went through hell with this moron. To bad she didn't have a brother,dad or some intelligent,resourceful and aggressive male who could have brought a stealth campaign of terror on this jerk.
July 10, 2010 at 6:15 AM Report abuse
Brucema said...
A 9mm Glock should do.
July 10, 2010 at 6:50 AM Report abuse
bebopredux said...
Maybe she can send an "ad" to all the State Prison inmates and pretend to be this stalker. In the ad, she can invite men to visit him for sex. Have them "visit" him outdoors, in the showers, etc; Use his picture to ensure they know who it is. The ad can also state that he encourages rough stuff. That when he resists it's only an "act" and that he loves to be "over powered". Just a thought.
July 10, 2010 at 7:03 AM Report abuse
trisailer said...
I was thinking the same thing as jake007. Too bad she didn't have a brother or a father to take this back to the stalker. One thing is true about guys like her stalker is that he is a coward who hides behind a computer. He would have likely backed off if someone stalked him. I would think that the public humiliation of having his name associated with this would be enough to get him to back off. I think she should take some lessons firing a gun and get a CC. If he comes back at her she should draw him in and pop him.
July 10, 2010 at 7:04 AM Report abuse
trisailer said...
What is equally disturbing is 3-4 guys per week showing up at her place uninvited based on a ad. There are a lot of sicko's out there.
July 10, 2010 at 7:06 AM Report abuse
DirkLerxst said...
Horrible. I hope that she can really start over this time. Unfortunately I doubt that jail will stop this guy when he gets out.
July 10, 2010 at 7:26 AM Report abuse
RichmondMel said...
I was stalked before there was a stalking law. A neighbor was waiting behind my house (which was half a mile in the woods) when I would walk home from the bus. When my dad went and had a "chat" with him, the cops threatened to arrest my dad. Threatening was illegal; stalking wasn't. My dad armed me with pepper spray. I'm glad stalking laws are in place now, but I wish they were enforced better than they were for this poor woman.
July 10, 2010 at 7:26 AM Report abuse
null said...
Generally ignoring people who are stalked and endagered is one major fault of police. (the other is beating up people.). Who pays police salaries, anyway?
July 10, 2010 at 7:26 AM Report abuse
null said...
ArthurFink had a blind stalker?
July 10, 2010 at 7:29 AM Report abuse
Dhiff said...
This Sayer must be a loser. LOSER !
July 10, 2010 at 7:34 AM Report abuse
Merrigan said...
This sounds horrible...one thing--women stalk too which is extremely creepy. of course the DV people don't recognize that much (I think the now imprisoned yoga instructor would have done that if she hadn't lost her temper).
July 10, 2010 at 8:36 AM Report abuse
nikonwilly said...
The Portland Press Herald is not using her full name to protect her privacy.....Than why the Photo? Stalking is one of those crimes where until something actually happens it's a game of he said,she said. It's fair to believe the local law enforcement would be hesitant to do anything until they know and understand the whole story and actually trust one side or the other...eventually the aggressor will show their true colors, hopefully before something physical happens! By now it should be obvious to all Law enforcement involved who is the victim and who is the culprit...this is long past the harassment stage. I would never be able to trust this guy again and she should go the handgun route....Once the culprit is to the point of disregarding jail time as punishment there is real danger . She needs to get her own protection because any time waiting for law enforcement response could be too late. Good luck lady
July 10, 2010 at 8:37 AM Report abuse
nikonwilly said...
The Portland Press Herald is not using her full name to protect her privacy.....Than why the Photo? Stalking is one of those crimes where until something actually happens it's a game of he said,she said. It's fair to believe the local law enforcement would be hesitant to do anything until they know and understand the whole story and actually trust one side or the other...eventually the aggressor will show their true colors, hopefully before something physical happens! By now it should be obvious to all Law enforcement involved who is the victim and who is the culprit...this is long past the harassment stage. I would never be able to trust this guy again and she should go the handgun route....Once the culprit is to the point of disregarding jail time as punishment there is real danger . She needs to get her own protection because any time waiting for law enforcement response could be too late. Good luck lady
July 10, 2010 at 8:37 AM Report abuse
nikonwilly said...
The Portland Press Herald is not using her full name to protect her privacy.....Than why the Photo? Stalking is one of those crimes where until something actually happens it's a game of he said,she said. It's fair to believe the local law enforcement would be hesitant to do anything until they know and understand the whole story and actually trust one side or the other...eventually the aggressor will show their true colors, hopefully before something physical happens! By now it should be obvious to all Law enforcement involved who is the victim and who is the culprit...this is long past the harassment stage. I would never be able to trust this guy again and she should go the handgun route....Once the culprit is to the point of disregarding jail time as punishment there is real danger . She needs to get her own protection because any time waiting for law enforcement response could be too late. Good luck lady
July 10, 2010 at 8:37 AM Report abuse
nikonwilly said...
The Portland Press Herald is not using her full name to protect her privacy.....Than why the Photo? Stalking is one of those crimes where until something actually happens it's a game of he said,she said. It's fair to believe the local law enforcement would be hesitant to do anything until they know and understand the whole story and actually trust one side or the other...eventually the aggressor will show their true colors, hopefully before something physical happens! By now it should be obvious to all Law enforcement involved who is the victim and who is the culprit...this is long past the harassment stage. I would never be able to trust this guy again and she should go the handgun route....Once the culprit is to the point of disregarding jail time as punishment there is real danger . She needs to get her own protection because any time waiting for law enforcement response could be too late. Good luck lady
July 10, 2010 at 8:38 AM Report abuse
shakinmyhead said...
Hey Joe - I know you think you're funny and clever, but this clearly wasn't a joking matter to this woman. You must lead a pathetic life.
July 10, 2010 at 8:38 AM Report abuse
d3RjbWVkaWM5MTE%3D said...
The guy must be amazing with technology. I cant even find myself online! However i wish some of his good hearted cell mates should take care of business so he cant bother her anymore.
July 10, 2010 at 9:23 AM Report abuse
Les said...
Hey,Niconwilly, you got the shakes this morning . One posting of your drivel is enough. Take your meds.
July 10, 2010 at 9:27 AM Report abuse
null said...
This is to much, the guy is a nut case. He needs to find another girlfriend, this guy is not normal.
July 10, 2010 at 9:28 AM Report abuse
Wade said...
What would happen if some of the people who read this article, and have daughters, decided to do the same thing to this creep?
July 10, 2010 at 9:29 AM Report abuse
Bole said...
So now, everyone looking for a date is a stalker. Great.
July 10, 2010 at 9:45 AM Report abuse
crazycat said...
I was stalked before there was a law against stalking. Reports were filed with police for each and every instance as harassment, in order to have a paper trail in case stalking escalated to the point where it was kill or be killed. It's a terrible way to live, thank you "Maura" for having the bravery to speak out.
July 10, 2010 at 9:51 AM Report abuse
crazycat said...
I was stalked before there was a law against stalking. Reports were filed with police for each and every instance as harassment, in order to have a paper trail in case stalking escalated to the point where it was kill or be killed. It's a terrible way to live, thank you "Maura" for having the bravery to speak out.
July 10, 2010 at 9:51 AM Report abuse
cooper said...
Not defending him at all, just wanted to let you know that the quote on his Facebook page is stolen from the movie Stripes. He's not original at all.
July 10, 2010 at 10:04 AM Report abuse
Dino90000000 said...
It appears Police should have picked up on the signs of his psychopathic/twisted behavior sooner than they did. I'm questioning the use of her photo accompanying this article.
July 10, 2010 at 10:18 AM Report abuse
FF2010 said...
Kudos to Maura for being courageous in sharing her story. Many victims are stalked by former intimate partners. Unfortunately, this form of stalking is not taken seriously by a lot of people because the victim had a prior relationship with the stalker. However, the existence of that prior relationship does not make these events excusable. Stalking by a former partner is still a crime.
July 10, 2010 at 10:25 AM Report abuse
Tall said...
Okay...I'm getting my concealed gun permit. She looks like the 'girl next door'. Alot of us have the same look! Stalkers beware! Why do you do this? Please look in the mirror and ask yourself this question. If only you sickos had a conscience and could see how you looked in our eyes. It is NOT very appealing. I think I can speak for most women....we're not looking to be controlled, suffocated or alienated from friends and family....we are looking for a best friend, lover, someone we're comfortable sharing our life with. If you can't offer that without looking like a sick perp that you are than get out of the game and get yourself fixed(I mean that in more ways than one...I for one, don't want little psychos running around 20 years from now!)
July 10, 2010 at 10:41 AM Report abuse
Jane said...
Maura used a lot of courage to come forward with this story and a lot of determination living her life. I'm not sure that I could do the same. Blessings to you Maura. I'm in no way blaming the victim, but there is a lesson here for young women out there about being cautious and protecting privacy which once given away is hard to secure again. It is important to know someone before you open your life to someone, but even though, some people are just sick.
July 10, 2010 at 10:42 AM Report abuse
NH said...
The fate of convicted stalkers should be determined by their victims.
July 10, 2010 at 11:31 AM Report abuse
Steve0 said...
It sounds like he may have been running some spyware/keylogger on her computer. That would have been one way for him to find out that she signed up for a soccer league within 30 minutes and to find out what she changed her name to, and where she moved to. The scary thing is how tough it is to prove that someone is doing that stuff. If he had been a little more careful, he'd still be doing it. And no, you can't just go beat him up, because then you'd be in jail for assault.
July 10, 2010 at 11:46 AM Report abuse
heyjoe said...
Hey, I still want your phone number... Shakinmyhead...Did you go to the same school as "shackin the stick" from the movie Cool Hand Luke? You are the pathetic one... And I know who you are!!!
July 10, 2010 at 1:49 PM Report abuse
portlandgirl said...
Wish you the best Maura.
July 10, 2010 at 2:00 PM Report abuse
bebopredux said...
Really, don't most of us wish there was a real "The Equalizer"? you could contact? One of my favorite shows.
July 10, 2010 at 2:11 PM Report abuse
shredder said...
Cops are useless! Once the situation gets out of hand and someone gets killed or almost killed the detectives and specialists step in and get the job done. My friend got stalked before and the cops brushed her off too! They think they protect people please more like neglect people!
July 10, 2010 at 2:29 PM Report abuse
shakinmyhead said...
heyjoe - if you know who I am - what gender, approximate age, where do I work. You're a coward and a fraud, writing inane, childish comments every day. You hide behind the anonymity of the internet the same way this punk stalker did. Loser...does your mother know you're living back in her basement since your wife left you?
July 10, 2010 at 3:34 PM Report abuse
jake007 said...
shakinmyhead...I checked into you and I know who you are. You are a page for State Rep.Herb Adams D-Portland. You came into the "Page Program" sponsored by State Rep John Martin Eagle Lake. You have a corner room at the YMCA on Forest Ave(smart move having two windows) and have worked for several years part time(when the house is in recess of course)at Blackstones bar as a "cabana boy" on tropical night. So there you have it.Next!!!! Lighten up!!
July 10, 2010 at 3:58 PM Report abuse
shakinmyhead said...
jake007 - are you also heyjoe or just a fan? Mentor perhaps? You're another immature poster - funny in your own mind. Nothing postive or meaningful to add. Just drivel...
July 10, 2010 at 4:28 PM Report abuse
jake007 said...
shakinmyhead...keep trying...at best you are amusing. like sticking a ferret in a cage. Run along now.
July 10, 2010 at 5:27 PM Report abuse
shakinmyhead said...
jake - it's been fun - talk to you tomorroww
July 10, 2010 at 5:37 PM Report abuse
DR said...
Maura, I am so proud of you. You finally got to tell YOUR story and be heard. The photo is awesome (and is there so people who knew and still doubted have no reason to doubt anymore). There is still a long road ahead but now the scenery is much brighter! I applaud you and admire the fact that you didn't stoop to his level and simply go for the "country justice" that we all wanted. Police and other people on Facebook etc, please take notice, you took his lines for true along with the hundreds upon hundreds of sickos that showed up at her door, hook, line & sinker. How about chasing some of them down? Hoping the true justice comes when he meets up with many of the people he had his fun with online pretending to be you in jail!
July 10, 2010 at 10:32 PM Report abuse