DEAR POSSIBLE PRUDE: Your fiancee is mistaken. I would never advise someone to ignore something that could be offensive. You were right to speak up. For people in your parents’ generation, “shut up” has a different connotation than with younger people and could be considered offensive. I hope your intended will take your suggestion to heart. However, in case she should slip, explain to your folks that the phrase is used commonly and isn’t meant as an insult — as jarring to them as it may be to hear.
DEAR ABBY: I have had the same group of friends for 20 years. They are an affluent group — doctors, lawyers, etc. — and very social. My best friend got wind of the fact that I had gone out with an African-American man. She confronted me, told me we could no longer be friends and then kicked me out of her house. If I call her, she hangs up on me. We had a loving, longtime friendship. It has been five months now and NO ONE has called. I am sad and shocked. I always thought of her as my best friend, and my other friends who were also dear to me are shunning me as well. What should I do? OUTCAST IN THE SOUTH
DEAR OUTCAST: I know this has been painful, but you need to recognize that in spite of their educational and financial advantages, your friends’ thinking hasn’t changed despite nearly 50 years of improving race relations. You grew; they didn’t. For your own sake, you must accept that you and these people are on different paths and will never agree on this. Look elsewhere for companions who think more like you do. Believe me, there are many out there.
DEAR ABBY: With the holidays here and family gathering to celebrate, some will be overnight guests. Although we have had pets here in the past, my wife and I are older now. Our home has been remodeled and we no longer have pets because we don’t have time to properly maintain an animal. We also travel frequently and don’t want to leave a pet in a kennel. My point is, if people are guests during one of these gatherings, please check first to see if pets are welcome. I know some relatives may feel their pet is one of the family, but they need to consider it may be a burden for the homeowner. Thanks for getting my message out, Abby. “THE OLD GUY” IN WISCONSIN
DEAR “ OLD GUY”: Excuse me? What if the family members your message is intended for happen to miss reading my column? Because you want to ensure the message is received, the most effective method to do that would be to speak up and make your wishes known in advance — especially in a case like this one.
Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Comments are not available on this story.
Send questions/comments to the editors.