Asynchronous development in children can be challenging for parents. As a child grows, development is expected to progress somewhat evenly in all aspects of the whole child. Having balance across all areas of development is not the case for the asynchronous child.
Often an asynchronous child will show exceptional ability in one aspect of their development. For instance, a 4-year-old shows incredible mathematical strengths, but continues to throw frequent temper tantrums. A 10-year-old may show athletic prowess over her peers, but struggles with academics. A junior high student may display a talent for music beyond his years, but is socially clueless.
The temptation for both parents and educators is to focus on the child’s strength and ignore the weaknesses in the child’s development. The truth is that the whole child must be considered to help the child move into productive adulthood.
Judy Muller, LCSW, of Brunswick, states, “It is okay to set aside the area that is the strength. Parents want their child to do well. When an area of strength emerges, they can get over focused on that area.”
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It is vital that parents, teachers, and caregivers be aware that the whole child is out of balance.
“Very bright young kids, 3- and 4-year-olds who can tell time and read. Academic learning — being very aware of environment. Noticing things — details about things. Very perceptive kids. Sometimes they are very easily overwhelmed and fall apart emotionally,” says Muller. The adults in the asynchronous child’s life must guide the child to a more balanced development.
There are some simple tools to strengthen the whole child. The parent’s first step is to talk with the family doctor and obtain a referral to someone who specializes in childhood developmental therapy. Working with a specialist will help identify the best tools to bring the whole child into balance.
Teaching a young child how to handle frustration through games is an easy way to learn these skills.
“Play a game that has frustration built into it. A lot of the games that I think of — Freeze Tag, Mother May I, Tag, Duck Duck Goose, Candy Land — these games heighten energy and then we calm down again. We learn that we can get excited and then learn how to calm down again. We learn what to do when we have to move back three spaces,” Muller says.
Learning emotional self-discipline often gets put on the back burner because of the attention paid to the child’s strengths. “This is a piece that gets missed because of intellectual focus,” Muller added.
Playing simple games to teach emotional balance may be more problematic as the child becomes older. At times, the child’s athletic abilities or interest in team sports may lag behind their peers. The parent can help the child by providing a positive athletic environment that will enable the child to succeed. Yoga and martial arts have proved to be such an environment. These are challenging physical activities where self-discipline and self-awareness are key.
Sensei David Hills of Five Elements Mountain School of Martial Arts in Bath, states, “Martial arts schools are a safe place for children to learn with other kids how to become connected socially, physically and emotionally. This type of training results in kids breaking through barriers of awkwardness; transformation of their bodies through intense physical work and a more complete awareness of themselves as they achieve more than they believed they could. These skills culminate with the child who is more prepared for the rigors of today’s world.”
“How do you know when your child’s development is out of balance? When all the usual things do not work?” Muller says.
Development can be brought into balance with the help of skilled therapists and a willingness to help the child gain the tools they need.
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