Reasons to wear a mask in Maine if you only care about yourself:

• No one will know you have halitosis.

• No one will see the food between your front teeth, or that you didn’t brush your teeth today, or yesterday, or ever.

• No one will know if you have one front tooth, or two.

• No one will give you the eye because they hate seeing your cold sore.

• People will consider you hip because everyone else is doing it, and they’ll reward you with quiet thanks that you – ahem – actually care about others’ health and safety (when you don’t).

• You can stick your tongue out at someone and they will never know.

• No one will know that you didn’t feel like finishing shaving that morning.

• And lastly, no one will need to wear lipstick to go with their favorite outfit – you’ll save time and money; also, no lipstick on the collar to clue your spouse in that you are having an affair.

See – it has its benefits.

Paula Callahan
Thomaston