Reasons to wear a mask in Maine if you only care about yourself:
• No one will know you have halitosis.
• No one will see the food between your front teeth, or that you didn’t brush your teeth today, or yesterday, or ever.
• No one will know if you have one front tooth, or two.
• No one will give you the eye because they hate seeing your cold sore.
• People will consider you hip because everyone else is doing it, and they’ll reward you with quiet thanks that you – ahem – actually care about others’ health and safety (when you don’t).
• You can stick your tongue out at someone and they will never know.
• No one will know that you didn’t feel like finishing shaving that morning.
• And lastly, no one will need to wear lipstick to go with their favorite outfit – you’ll save time and money; also, no lipstick on the collar to clue your spouse in that you are having an affair.
See – it has its benefits.
Paula Callahan
Thomaston
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