Reasons to wear a mask in Maine if you only care about yourself:

• No one will know you have halitosis.

• No one will see the food between your front teeth, or that you didn’t brush your teeth today, or yesterday, or ever.

• No one will know if you have one front tooth, or two.

• No one will give you the eye because they hate seeing your cold sore.

• People will consider you hip because everyone else is doing it, and they’ll reward you with quiet thanks that you – ahem – actually care about others’ health and safety (when you don’t).


• You can stick your tongue out at someone and they will never know.

• No one will know that you didn’t feel like finishing shaving that morning.

• And lastly, no one will need to wear lipstick to go with their favorite outfit – you’ll save time and money; also, no lipstick on the collar to clue your spouse in that you are having an affair.

See – it has its benefits.

Paula Callahan

Related Headlines

Only subscribers are eligible to post comments. Please subscribe or login to participate in the conversation. Here’s why.

Use the form below to reset your password. When you've submitted your account email, we will send an email with a reset code.

filed under: