Tis the season when adequate snow is needed on our rooftops for a certain sleigh to land. Fortunately that snow arrived Friday but reports that Portland got 17 inches while Gorham got 24 inches are simply wrong. The only way Gorham could have piled up more snow than Portland is by massive fraud. Consider these alternative facts:
• Portland got more snow than any city in the history of our country, even more than what fell in the blizzard of 2016.
• The North Korean government shipped snow into Gorham harbor by boat under the cover of darkness.
• Over 100,000 Portland residents have submitted affidavits stating that 30 inches of snow fell in their yards.
• Portlanders were not allowed to watch the snow in Gorham being measured.
• Millions of snowflakes fell illegally in Gorham and millions more were counted twice.
• Snowflakes were counted in Gorham that had melted years ago.
It’s clear that Portland got the most snow. Santa’s personal attorney, Rudy G. Reindeer, will request new measurements be taken before the storm totals are certified. He has also scheduled a news conference at the Four Seasons Total Reindeer Feed & Supply Co., where he will offer no proof of these claims, but instead wish everyone a joyous holiday season and hopes for a happy and peaceful new year.
Wayne W. Duffett
Portland
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